The Dirtiest Simpsons Jokes You Missed As A Kid
The Simpsons is a show that can be appreciated on a number of levels, with a variety of one-liners and hidden sight gags that appeal to a broad range of viewers. Kids can laugh at Bart’s attitude and iconic catch phrases, whilst their parents get a kick out of the double entendres between Marge and Homer.
Many of these adult-targeted gags flew over my head as a child, which is what makes The Simpsons so special; the older you get, you’re able to enjoy the show for a whole new reason, yet still chuckle at what made you hooked on the show in the first place.
In this piece, I’ve tried to acknowledge the “dirty” jokes that don’t seem to get as much attention as others, whilst also including many of the fan favourites (eg: Zookeeper! Zookeeper!).
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“I thought you said Troy McClure was dead?”
“No, what I said was that he sleeps with the fishes…”
It’s revealed in A Fish Called Selma that Troy McClure has a rather scandalous past when it comes to marine life, which can all be summed up in this brief conversation between Fat Tony and Louie. Gross.
“We can outsmart these dolphins! Don’t forget we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole and pudding cup.”
Remember that time Homer talked about glory holes? Yeah me neither, but it happened in Treehouse of Horror IX.
“Hello, is this President Clinton? Good. I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang, it would be you.”
Clinton’s affairs were the gift that kept on giving if you were a Simpsons writer in the 90’s.
“Simpson, I need your help. I want to be loved.”
“I see. Well, I’ll need some beer.”
Homer is always prepared to take one for the team, or his boss, for that matter.
“I’ve got the prescription for you Doctor, another hot beef injection.”
By the look in Dr. Hibbert’s eyes, it seems he and Homer are on the same wave length.”
“You know Bart, when I was your age, I pulled a few boners.”
A “touching” moment between father and son in The Telltale Head.
“Sex cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!”
One can only imagine what kind of escapades Krusty got up to at the cauldron.
“You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack”
Pretty self-explanatory really. Nibbles’ reaction is absolutely priceless.
“We’ve got a lot of tonic to sell and a lot of towns to visit; Frigid Falls, Mount Seldom, Lake Flaccid…”
Did we mention they were selling sex tonic?
“Marge, what’s wrong? I just want to snuggle?”
“Well I don’t feel like snuggling!”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
Not exactly “dirty”, however if you’ve ever been in a relationship then you’ll certainly relate.
“Thanks Mr. Simpson, because of you we’ll all be taking golden showers.”
So THAT’S why the characters are all yellow!
“Hello, Smithers. You’re quite good at turning me on.”
Uh, you probably should ignore that.
“Do YOU come with the car?”
A perfect example of casual sexism that cleverly turns the joke back on the men, by having the female host repeat her patronising answer to the numerous (and oblivious) men.
The iconic “chalkboard gag” was always an easy avenue for a dirty joke to slip past the censors, here’s to one of my favourites from Brother’s Little Helper.
“And Helen Lovejoy, sure, she looks blonde, but I’ve heard cuffs and collar don’t match, if you get my drift.”
I remember watching this with my mum when I was younger, and it always confused me why she cracked up laughing after this line. Homer’s Phobia truly is a classic.
“Oh Marge, grow up.”
Don’t worry Marge, we all thought the same thing. It’s always great when we get to see this side of Marge, without a doubt the most underrated Simpson.
HERE ARE SOME MORE CLASSIC SIGNS THAT GOT PAST THE CENSORS:
AND FINALLY, SOME OF THE MORE COMMONLY ACKNOWLEDGED ADULT JOKES FROM THE SHOW:
“Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!”
This one may not be quite as subtle as most on this list, but it’s a hilarious representation of a child’s innocence to the world of sex.
“She’s faking it.”
Mrs. K showing off her expertise in this field. You only get one chance with Edna Krabappel.
“Do not touch Willie. Good advice.”
Possibly my favourite entry on this entire list.
“Mr Plow, that’s my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.”
This one may be a bit of a stretch, but you can’t deny the fact that Marge feels a little friskier when “Mr. Plow” signs on for duty, making sure he wears his jacket.
“Bart! Where’d you get that shirt?
“I dunno, came out of the closet.”
Another classic moment from Homer’s Phobia.
“I think women and seamen don’t mix.”
Treehouse of Horror III gave us King Homer, Frogurt, as well as this incredible one-liner from Smithers.
“Excuse me Mr. Smithers, Bart may be seriously hurt, could we possibly go ahead of you?
“Uh… no. I really would rather get this taken care of.”
Yep, I think it’s pretty obvious what needs to be taken care of here.
“Marge, should I whack slow or fast?”
“Slow, then fast.”
At what speed do you prefer to whack?
“Tell him I’m going to the backseat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!”
The fact that they were able to get away with blatant sex jokes in the show’s first season was a clear sign of things to come.
NOW FOR A COUPLE OF MOMENTS FROM RECENT EPISODES:
“Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover.”
If the reference may be lost on you ‘Hoover’ is a brand of vacuum. Now you do the math.
“C’mon Homer I’m insisting on a fisting.”
“What’s this about a fisting?”
Did you ever think you’d see a “fisting” reference on The Simpsons?
Now obviously there are plenty more naughty gags that The Simpsons’ writers have managed to sneak in over the years. Be sure to comment below and let us know some others that didn’t make the list.
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